Doing volunteering work is one of my passions. My Co-Curriculum Activity during the two years in Junior College was Interact Club. Organizing events and participating in various volunteering works in Interact Club have made me grow and become more mature. I learn to be more sensitive and caring towards individuals. Because every action and word that we use are of equal importance in conveying ideas to the person you are communicating with.
I also found out that very few Singaporean teenagers are well-verse in dialects. The older generation prefers to communicate in dialects. Hence, language barrier becomes an issue when we are carrying out the volunteering work in old-folks home. The reason that most teenagers in Singapore are unable to communicate in dialect is because they are not exposed to dialects. Nowadays, the main language use for communication in our daily lives is English. The older generation used to communicate in dialects and Malay. As a result, they are able to put what they have learned into practice and this strengthens their foundation in dialects. Thus, they are able to communicate in dialects fluently.
Furthermore, the MDA has banned the use of dialects in television shows. This further prevents the younger generation from reaching the older generation. Hence, I propose that MDA should allow a restricted amount of dialects in shows. This ensures that the younger generation would have been exposed to dialects. Schools will have to restrict students on the use of dialects in school to ensure there will not be much interference for the learning of English language and Mother Tongue.
Indeed, dialect should not be the focused in volunteering work. But, we cannot deny that the use of dialect is a more friendly way of reaching and touching the hearts of the older generation. This will bring younger and older generation together.
Tan Hooi Ting,
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed by your willingness to contribute to the society. The energy and passion you give to bridge the gap between the young and the old is not an easy task. You are a wonderful person and I wish you every success and I am sure you will have a very bright future.
Now let me comment on your post:
Content and organisation: Your ideas flowed logically in the writing. Your introduction is clear. I knew from the first sentence that you were going to be discussing doing volunteering work. In the later paragraphs, you developed the idea well and gave an example of the need to enforce the need to use dialects to improve communication between the young and the old. Well done.
Language: In general, I believe you can reduce on the number of careless mistakes in your writing if you read over your work. Please read my comments below:
1. Subject=Verb Agreement: subject (activities) is plural + you need to ensure the verb (was) agrees with the subject.
My Co-Curriculum Activities during the two years in Junior College 'was' Interact Club.
2.Think about the difference between saying 'organizing for events' and 'Organizing events'
Organizing for events and participating in various volunteering works in Interact Club have made me grow and become more mature.
3. The word 'every' goes with singular nouns. Can you see the errors below?
Because every actions and words that we use are of equal importance in conveying ideas to the person you are communicating with.
4. Pay attention to word forms: Think about the difference between Singapore and Singaporean.
I also found out that very few Singapore teenagers
5. Passive vs active voice sentences: Focus on 'main language use'
Nowadays, English is the main language use for communication in our daily lives.
6. Word form error. Think about the use of focused in this sentence.
Indeed, many would think that dialect should not be the focused in volunteering work. But...
Keep up the good work!
Prof Cook, thanks for commenting on my essay. I have corrected those mistakes that you have mentioned :)
ReplyDeleteHi Hooi Ting, I am touched your by your conviction to protect our dialects. I was amazed too when I found out that you can speak fluent Hokkien few weeks ago. Haha :)
ReplyDeleteAs I understand that the writing is focused on elucidating the value of dialects and its relevance to social work, I think your thesis can be brought across stronger if it is emphasized in the introduction paragraph. Other than that, I think the writing is fluent and the flow of ideas is clear.
In terms of grammar, maybe your sentences can be more compact. For instance,"Doing volunteering work is one of my passions" can be "Volunteering is one of my passions". Also, I think some of the "more" and "also" in the sentences can be dropped. Else I agree with Prof Cook that you will be able to find most of the grammar issues after you proofread :)
Cheers,
CG